WWE Crackfic GO!
by Ana of Rohan
Summary: From the ever brilliant minds of Graelam and Torilei comes Crackfic! Numerous twitter conversations later and here we go! Bunch of Cena bashing. I wouldn't read it if your an extreme fan! Not to supposed to make sense more like drabbles than anything R
1. Randy Orton: Mr Thunder Thighs

**Author's Note:** GAH! So I had all of this all typed out before and FF deleted it. Well anyways, I decided to try and write a crackfic. Totally not meaning to offend anyone. This is all meant in fun. This is based off character traits that me and Torilei came up with over hours of twitter conversations. Ah to think this all started with JoMo causing car crashes... but we'll get to that later. :) Anyways inspiration is all thanks to Torilei! She made and gave me the list of all the characters we've got. We've got a lot planned so we hope you enjoy the show! :D

**Warning:** If you are a Cena fan don't even bother reading. Its nothing but Cena bashing. Not everything, but it'll be very apparent in every chapter.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own anything. Vinnie Mac and the mentioned individuals own everything. I just like to borrow them and play around! :D

Have fun and enjoy the ride!!!

* * *

One, Randall Keith Orton, was waiting at guerilla position. This was his night, he would finally shut up and get rid of one annoying John effing Cena. At Bragging Rights he would retain his title and nothing was going to stop him. Cena would finally be out of his hair once and for all.

As Orton stretched and shook himself out, sighing deeply as he thought "evil thoughts," as he tried to get into character. All of the sudden behind him he heard a very quick jittery whistle. He slowly turned around to see one Jeff Hardy behind him. He couldn't help but smile at his longtime friend, until he looked at what was in his hand.

"Come on Jeff of all nights you needed Skittles?" Randy asked as he raised an eyebrow.

"Awww come on Randy… You guys never let me have any fun. And I'm not even out there tonight, or for a while in fact, and I just wanna have fun…" Jeff pouted.

"Fine, but I swear, when I come back and your obnoxious, I'll kick your ass 12 ways to Sunday. Do you understand me?" Randy said with a stern look.

"Fine, but it's not my fault. Matt should remember not to give me any spare change when I'm hungry and at a Pay-Per-View. You'd think he learn after the last time…" Jeff said with a huge grin.

Randy shuddered at the thought. Matt had given Jeff about 10 dollars worth of spare change at Wrestlemania 24. Now as if the energy of the arena wasn't enough for Jeff, he had 10 dollars to get whatever he wanted. What Matt wasn't expecting was that he would get a ton of skittles and mountain dew. And all night Jeff was bouncing off the walls, he was almost like a little child. He demanded piggy back rides, performed random Swanton Bombs from anywhere and everywhere, and even had the balls to try and call out Randy. That was a night no would ever forget, but desperately wanted to.

"Anyways I just wanted to say good luck out there tonight and I hope you kick his ass," Jeff said with a glint in his eye and a small smile forming on his lips.

"What are you planning Jeff?" Randy asked quite scared to hear the answer.

"Why would I be planning anything Randal?"

"Good Lord, now I am scared. You almost never call me Randal"

"I'm not planning anything I swear! Anyways I better get going, best of luck Mr. Thunder Thighs!!!!" Jeff screamed as he ran off giggling.

Randy looked down at his legs very self conscious, "thunder thighs… My thighs aren't that bad, are they?"

A passing stage hand looked at him and kind of laughed to himself as he scurried off.

"Awww man…" Randy didn't have any more time to swell on it as he heard his music blast throughout the arena.

"_**I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me!"**_

Randy walked out to the stage holding the WWE Championship Belt over his legs.

"_Damn you Hardy, when I get back there I'm going to kill you!" _


	2. John Cena: Can You Feel The Rainbow?

All right here is Chapter numerous dos! :D This is the majority of Cena bashing. And more Jeff with Skittles… yes there a bit of a theme going on! :D Thanks to **Torilei** for her Review! Even though she already read it, still gives me a bit of a boost! Please Read and Review!!! It means sooo much to me!!! Oh and anything with Bragging Rights is complete fiction, I'm not psychic and I'm not affiliated with the creative department of the WWE. This is just pretty much what I want to happen. Please Do Enjoy! 

**Disclaimer: **All right still don't own anything, and I'm only sharing these unique and quite honestly strange character traits and stories with Torilei!

ON WITH THE CHAPTER!!!!!

John Cena had lost. He just got his ass handed to him by his long time rival Randy Orton. By one flipping pin fall. He couldn't believe it, there was no way John Cena was supposed to lose. He was the golden boy, he never lost. He stood backstage just rubbing his head, knowing that he would have to go to one of the "lesser" brands, because he sure as hell wasn't going to quit because of this.

"_I just don't get it… Why me? Orton's a complete dick! That titles mine! I created it!!!!"_

The more Cena thought about it, the angrier he became! He stomped around backstage looking for Orton, about to give him a piece of his mind. He didn't notice the little rainbow colored balls being flung at him. As Cena stomped about, he also didn't notice the little stalker he had following him.

Jeff couldn't help but giggle as he flung yet another skittle at Cena. All of the sudden Jeff's face paled, as he realized the skittle landed on Cena's eye. Knowing he'd get caught Jeff bolted off down the hallway, trying desperately to escape the wrath of Cena and make it to the locker room.

Cena saw the flash of purple and blue hair streak off and Cena took after him. Jeff got to the locker room and yanked the door open, "Guys you have got to help me… PLEASE???"

Matt just looked at his brother shaking his head, "What did you do this time?"

"Ikindofjustthrewabunchofskittlesatcenaandhecaughtmeandheischasingme," Jeff said all in one breath.

Matt burst out laughing, "dude if you don't slow down and repeat what you just said I won't be able to help you… "

Jeff took a few huge breaths of air to calm himself down, "I kind of just threw a bunch of skittles at Cena and he caught me and is chasing me!!!"

"Jeff, I'm not always going to be here to get you out of trouble you know?"

"I know, I know. Now will you help me dammit?!?"

All of the sudden the door to the locker room slammed open and in walked a very pissed looking Cena. "Hardy I am so going to kill you…" He said in a menacing voice.

Jeff grinned, "Which one? There are two Hardy's in here!"

Matt ran out of the room shouting behind him, "Not anymore there isn't!"

Jeff's face paled again as Cena moved closer, "Dammit Matt…"

"So _Hardy, _do you care to explain to me why the hell you were chucking skittles at me? When you damn well know I hate skittles…!"

"Hehe I just wanted you to feel the rainbow…" Jeff said with a small smile.

Cena looked at him with a confused look on his face, "What? I don't get it…"

Jeff bolted screaming behind him, "Colors Cena, think about it!"

Cena looked at where Jeff had bolted to and shook his head. He was so confused, he couldn't understand what Jeff meant. He couldn't even remember why he was mad. He packed up his bag and left the arena.

Cena spent the rest of the evening thinking about what Jeff said.

"_Feel the rainbow? That doesn't make sense, the rainbow is just made of light…" _


	3. CM Punk: Its not my fault

Wow on to chapter 3 already holy shit this is moving faster than I thought! Thanks to Torilei again for her inspiration! Besides that not much to say! On with the show!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything! Remember that!

Phil Brooks, otherwise known as CM Punk, got to the arena early so he could savor his one secret obsession. Punk has always been a Pepsi fan. With his "straight-edge" ways he never consumed alcohol and he grew up on Pepsi. So later in life as he continued his ways, he continued to drink Pepsi. The WWE universe knew him to love Pepsi, he had the logo tattooed on him, and whenever he was out in public, you could always find him sipping on a Pepsi.

But little did anyone know, he was secretly a Coca-Cola fan. Once at a party a few years back, oh lord how he tried to forget, he asked for a Pepsi. He was given his drink and he thought nothing of it. He sat down for a while and sipped on his "Pepsi," or so he thought at least. After the first few sips he realized something, first it wasn't a Pepsi and second it was way better than a Pepsi! He looked around and noticed there wasn't a Pepsi product to be seen anywhere. The sweet delicious nectar he was drinking was a coke.

As a habit, he would get into the arena early and head straight for the soda machines. He couldn't go out in public to buy it, he had an image to protect. So he grabbed his spare change and made sure no one was around as he bought himself the drink of the gods. As soon as he popped the tab, he heard a slight giggle behind him. He closed his eyes and waited for the worst as he slowly turned around, hiding the coke behind his back.

"Yes Jeff?" Punk whispered.

"HEY! How'd you know it was me?" Jeff pouted.

"Jeff you're the only one who'd be here this early and giggle like a little school girl," Punk sighed.

"Whatever!" Jeff said sticking his tongue out at Punk. "Ooooh what's that you're hiding behind your back?" Jeff asked while bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Nothing, I'm not hiding anything, now will you leave me the fuck alone!" Punk screamed at him.

Jeff dropped his head, "I was just wondering…" Jeff pretended to turn around while pulling out his phone. As soon as Punk thought that Jeff was leaving he stretched out his shoulders and took a long sip of his now slightly warm coke.

"Ahaaaa I knew you were hiding something!!!" Jeff yelled out as he spun around taking a picture of Punk mid-sip.

Punk jumped and spilled his coke all over himself. "What the hell is your problem Hardy!"

"Ummm I'm sure that it has _something _to do with the pound of skittles I ate before I got here…"

Jeff broke out with a huge grin when he realized Punk didn't notice he took the picture of him. "Hey Punk aren't you like the unofficial spokesman for Pepsi? Whatcha doing with a Coke?"

Punk glared at Jeff and stalked off. Jeff shook his head plan already forming. Punk wants to be mean to him, well he'd have his payback!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_**The Next Arena**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Punk walked into the arena on time, instead of his usual early self, ditching his effort on getting a Coke today. He stopped dead in his tracks when everyone around him gave him dirty looks. He didn't think he had done anything wrong. As he walked further into the arena he realized why everyone was mad. On every wall, hanging from the roof, everywhere there were pictures of him caught drinking a coke.

Jeff skipped by and stopped when he noticed Punk. "Oh did you like the decorations? I think it is a very nice touch! There not just backstage either, I put a bunch up around the arena! People should be let in within the next few minutes or so! Enjoy!"

"Why the hell would you do this Hardy!?!?" Punk screamed.

"That is what you get for being mean to me…" Jeff said with a grin. Jeff popped a few more skittles in his mouth before skipping off, "Have fun Punkers!"

One of the camera men looked at Punk and gave him a dirty look before running off.

"_It wasn't my fault, I was slipped some Coke at a party…" _


	4. John Morrison: Car Crashes

**Author's Note:** Okay I am so sorry for taking so long with this chapter!!! I've been super busy! I know you don't want to hear about it… Thanks goes to Torilei, raser34, and x0allisonqt0x for the Reviews and help!!! Especially Tori and raser, man have great conversations with ya'll… This chapter includes Jeff, Skittles, Sir Abs, Slight Cena bashing, and lots of destruction, which will lead to a later chapter… Hehe JoMo the Destructor… anyways enough rambling on with the show! OH! And I really do love JoMo! This chapter makes me sound evil, like I hate him, but it's not the truth! I swear!

**Disclaimer:** Bleh Don't own anything. Vinnie Mac does, please don't sue, all you might get is 5 unruly Chihuahuas.

READ AND REVIEW!!! much love!

Jeff just bought his second bag of skittles and was sitting outside the arena when he noticed ambulances, fire trucks, and cop cars zooming by. Jeff ran around to the front of the arena to see what was going on.

There was like a 14 car pileup in the street and a few cars were even on fire! Jeff gasped at the site before him, "_Oh My Skittles! _What is going on here?"

Jeff frantically looked around to see if he could spot the source of all the chaos. That's when something caught his eye, a flash maybe.

And he saw him.

Right in front of the arena's sign was John Morrison, in all his ab-tacular glory. He was in a long, but not furry, jacket, skin tight pants and his signature shades.

That's it.

No shirt.

Whatsoever.

At all.

Jeff never understood how he done it, but the man was moving in perfect slow motion. Hair blowing in the wind, even though there wasn't the slightest breeze to be found. John had the perfect ray of sunshine illuminating his sharp, rhinestone lined abs. Jacket slowly billowing behind him. The man was pure perfection.

And it annoyed Jeff to no end.

Jeff noticed the amount of cars piling up was beginning to increase. Jeff looked at the bag of skittles sadly and contemplated throwing them at Morrison. Jeff shook his head to rid himself of those silly thoughts.

Jeff grinned as he figured out how to get Morrison's attention. He walked up to him and stole his glasses. Jeff frowned suddenly when JoMo didn't react at all.

Jeff let out a sigh as he looked at John. Brilliant idea hitting Jeff! Jeff reached up and messed up John's hair so it wouldn't flow so well and be all a mess.

When that didn't work, Jeff pouted and almost gave up. Then another idea struck him. Jeff stood in front of JoMo and blocked the sun from hitting the perfect abs. He also began to peel the rhinestone tape-stuff from around the abs. John looked a little miffed, but continued to pose.

Jeff just giggled as he kept blocking Morrison's attempt to pose. Morrison finally stopped and glared at Jeff.

"Jeff, why are you stopping me? I was having fun!" JoMo said, as his voice began to rise.

"Do you not see what's going around you when you prance around like that?"

"No. What?" Morrison asked confused.

"I swear sometimes you are as dense as Cena…" Jeff said, as he skipped off to go enjoy his skittles.

Morrison was about to yell at Jeff, but Jeff quickly skipped out of sight. Morrison pouted as he recalled Jeff's words. "_I am NOT as dense as Cena!" _

John looked around, finally noticing the god-awful car crash.

"_Wow, I wonder what caused this mess…" _


End file.
